I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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