Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
