He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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