I think I just saw someone hide a body.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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