We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
