I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His hands were made for my vagina.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
