True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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