Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
