Im at strip club and am horny
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
