I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do vagina's smell?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
