I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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