Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Every concussion has its silver lining
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
God, I missed his penis.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
