she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
