brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
