If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
