i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
