Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
