i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
