Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
