the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
