I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
