So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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