When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
