i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
