sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
