What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
whose parrot is this?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
