: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
