I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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