I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
