I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
