Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
