yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
