OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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