she was so not down for the gang bang
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
