The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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