So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
