Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
