I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
