I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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