the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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