i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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