Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
