I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
