is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
