i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
