Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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