Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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