i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
