i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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