there's paper in my vomit.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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