12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
